FIXXXER NEWS – SHOCK EXIT & NEW ERA BEGINS
(Disclaimer: 99% of this is a joke… although some of it might not be.)
35Y QUITS F1
35Y has quit.
Sad. Very sad.
People are talking about it. Everywhere.
He could have won the championship.
Quite frankly… he should have won the championship.
Everybody knows it. Even the losers know it.
35Y was once great. Tremendous talent. One of the best we’ve ever seen.
But now… he’s gone.
Leaving behind his weakened teammate Brandon.
A very good friend of mine, by the way.
Alone.
Completely alone.
Can you believe it?
A NEW TEAMMATE ARRIVES
So I stepped in.
Lars. Founder of Fixxxer.
Quite frankly… one of the best teammates. Maybe the best.
People tell me this. All the time.
We will make Red Bull great again.
Greater than ever before.
It will be unbelievable.
DANIEP… THE “CHAMPION”
Daniep… current championship leader…
He won like a dog.
Not a good dog. A bad dog.
He drives like a dog. Everyone’s saying it.
And now?
He wins the championship because his only rival quit.
Mathematically champion.
That’s how it ends?
Sad.
Very sad.
LEAGUE VS LEAGUE – FIXXXER x DRC
In other news, Fixxxer has officially partnered with the DRC League.
This will be big.
A league vs league showdown on F1 25:
10 drivers vs 10 drivers
2-day race weekends
Full qualifying on Saturday
100% race on Sunday
Planned dates:
April 18th/19th
May 23rd/24th
June 27th/28th
Tracks still to be decided.
More information coming soon.
DRC… THEY DON’T KNOW
DRC won’t know what’s coming.
They have no idea.
None. Zero.
Fixxxer has the best community. By far.
It’s on the news. Everyone’s talking about it.
Even my good friend Salmon… great guy…
said, “This is the best league.”
True story.
THE MEETING
We had a meeting.
Very important meeting.
And I told them…
“You don’t know what you’re doing.”
They wanted to drive Miami.
Miami.
I said…
“You’re making a huge mistake. A terrible mistake.”
We use Miami to interrogate terrorists.
Very effective. Maybe the most effective.
You put someone on that track… five laps…
they tell you everything.
Everything.
It worked so well…
we got Bin Laden’s location…
and even uncovered 35Y’s plans.
Planting bugs in the game. Staging his retirement.
Total cover-up.
Sore loser behaviour.
Sad.
FINAL WORD
I’ve been in many leagues.
The best leagues.
None…
none…
as fast as Fixxxer.
Not even close.
Fixxxer is so great…
they came to me…
and begged.
“Please sir… we need you.”
That’s what they said.
Many leagues have begged.
Too many, honestly.
A good friend of mine… Protohype…
came up to me and said:
“Sir… it would benefit both of us.”
And I said…
“Okay. We’ll make it work.”
Now we have a partnership.
Very healthy.
The healthiest partnership in history.
Doctors are amazed.
This is true.
One hundred percent true.
Because I said so.
NEXT STOP: BAKU
Walls.
Chaos.
No forgiveness.
And now…
a championship without its former king.
